My birthday was the 24th………………..I kissed, hugged and fondled my 20s goodbye. I honestly don’t understand why turning 30 is a big deal, to a lot of people. My best friend had some sort of breakdown prior to his. I’ve always found men in the 30s and 40s range to be incredibly attractive. Eh, what are you gonna do?!

It’s another Hump Day and I don’t know how I feel about it. Not just Wednesday but a lot of things. Things feel….different. I’m on my lunch break, sitting and eating with the same group of people I normally do. With my friends I’m seeing them less, but I can tell there’s a difference there. Possibly the change is me. I have altered some of my……habits but not to where it should have any major shift.

I’m still doing pretty good with eating better. Most of what I eat comes from a local organic market, or Trader Joe’s. It’s weird in the sense that people assume I’m trying to lose weight. I’ve always eaten fruit and salads but for some reason a few people want to come at me with sarcasm and rudeness. I have to explain that the change is cutting out a lot of processed foods.

Right now I’m trying to find a really good lip balm. Carmex was okay, but I kept finding myself biting my bottom lip. This was the case for others as well. Burt’s Bees was a mess. Dry, cracked and painful lips. I’m testing Soothing Touch at the moment. It’s only been my second day but my lips feel amazing, and this stuff lasts. Normally with the others, I apply them in the morning and an hour to an hour and a half later I’m applying more. With Soothing Touch it lasted up til lunch, for the obvious reason food. Before I started eating my lips and balm were like when I first applied it.

Gotta go, lunch is over.

I absolutely love nature. Lakes, rainforests, waterspouts, snow, horses, whale sharks, oxygen, iron, etc. So many amazing things on this planet and sometimes the curiosity makes it feel like it isn’t enough. Earth is disturbingly beautiful from space. The photos and videos are so calming and one can’t help but wonder. Even, on the ground, when you’re away from all the man made constructs the influence of nature cannot be denied.

 

I think it’s so much more than that though. Nature is also our star, asteroids, planets, nebulae, pulsars, blackholes, gases, everything that isn’t artificially made. The universe is so diverse and always changing. From the smallest molecule to the largest cluster of galaxies, death and creation continues on.

 

If it were possible who wouldn’t want to see the birth, or death, of a star, the “northern lights” on another planet, a water world, the edge of space. Humanity, as a whole, forgets itself. We think we are so important and have such a major influence over our environment.

 

It’s staggering, at times, to see the impact we have on our world and each other. We abuse our home with the mindset “someone else will clean it up” or “it’s really not as bad as they are making it out to be”. Bullshit excuses to try and excuse our laziness. We are so diverse, and at the same time similar, and instead of embracing our diversity we tear each other down and ostracize each other. Some of us think we have some superior moral high ground and force our views and beliefs on others. Negative traits like paranoia, fear and greed can lead to trivial violent acts or up to world wars.

 

There’s always room for change though. The chance to learn and better ourselves. With each generation more people are becoming responsible and learning from our past. I just hope this increasing change has a positive effect before we do something incredibly stupid.

d.

I wake to a weight across my body. I don’t open my eyes yet because I know what it is. I can hear the rain falling and it puts me at ease. I can hear thunder in the distance and feel his heartbeat on my arm. He’s so warm, especially his manhood, which is pressed up against my thigh. His head is against my shoulder and every time he exhales it tickles my collarbone a bit.

Never before have I felt the need to protect and love anything or anyone as I do him. I look down at him and feel so incredibly lucky. I smile to myself because he’s my everything. From his tan skin to his curly black hair. His soft lips to his well manicured fingers and toes. From those beautiful green eyes to his vast intelligent mind.

Even with the breeze bringing in the smell of Fall, the smell of him makes it seem faint. He’s my drug just as much as I am his. Intense, frightening and nerve wracking. That’s what I feel because I love him so much. I know he’s awake, he’s stopped snoring.

“Good morning,” I whisper.

“Mattina, il mio uccellino canterino,” he says as he props himself up on one arm. He looks intently into my eyes. Seeking an answer I was too afraid to give last night.

“Yes.”

“Yes?” he asks hesitantly. I hold up my hand with the ring on it. He looks at it then back to me.

“Yes.”

A smile spreads across his face then lightning flashes. I sit up quickly and look around. I’m all alone. The sun is shining and my room is burning up, from the summer heat. It was just a dream. I hold back a tear as I feel the finger the ring was on in the dream.

“Damn.”

Authors’ Note: Not sure where this is coming from. Just a scenario I wanted to write out.

This entry was suppose to be something completely different but I think that was a moment of venting. I’m sitting here listening to “Blue and Red” by Sky Sailing, now known as Owl City.

What I was originally going to blog about was that I was, and still am to some, viewed as a “standby”. When everyone else is busy I’ll call so and so, that’s me. I think because I THOUGHT people found me interesting they genuinely liked me. I was just used to kill time. I don’t think anyone should be put in that position. So I’ve gotten rid of a lot of “acquaintances” and have a few more to go.

I want people to like me for me, as I would think everyone does. One thing I won’t ever accept is someone trying to change me. I’m not shallow, an asshole, selfish, greedy or arrogant. Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’ll easily bend to someones will. One of my closest friends found that out. For someone who usually gets what he wants he hasn’t quite figured out how that happened.

It’s amazing how a lot of people think. I’m very big on RAK, random acts of kindness. I get sooo many odd responses. Not every person is out just to lookout for themselves. Those little acts catch people off guard and they smile. While getting them to smile is not my intent I absolutely love that it does happen. If I’m pissed off in traffic I’m not going to honk my horn or cut others off. I just don’t see what throwing out more negative energy does to benefit anyone. You just end up upset and taking someone else down with you.