My birthday was the 24th………………..I kissed, hugged and fondled my 20s goodbye. I honestly don’t understand why turning 30 is a big deal, to a lot of people. My best friend had some sort of breakdown prior to his. I’ve always found men in the 30s and 40s range to be incredibly attractive. Eh, what are you gonna do?!

I’m still doing pretty good with eating better. Most of what I eat comes from a local organic market, or Trader Joe’s. It’s weird in the sense that people assume I’m trying to lose weight. I’ve always eaten fruit and salads but for some reason a few people want to come at me with sarcasm and rudeness. I have to explain that the change is cutting out a lot of processed foods.

Right now I’m trying to find a really good lip balm. Carmex was okay, but I kept finding myself biting my bottom lip. This was the case for others as well. Burt’s Bees was a mess. Dry, cracked and painful lips. I’m testing Soothing Touch at the moment. It’s only been my second day but my lips feel amazing, and this stuff lasts. Normally with the others, I apply them in the morning and an hour to an hour and a half later I’m applying more. With Soothing Touch it lasted up til lunch, for the obvious reason food. Before I started eating my lips and balm were like when I first applied it.

Gotta go, lunch is over.

I think it’s so much more than that though. Nature is also our star, asteroids, planets, nebulae, pulsars, blackholes, gases, everything that isn’t artificially made. The universe is so diverse and always changing. From the smallest molecule to the largest cluster of galaxies, death and creation continues on.

If it were possible who wouldn’t want to see the birth, or death, of a star, the “northern lights” on another planet, a water world, the edge of space. Humanity, as a whole, forgets itself. We think we are so important and have such a major influence over our environment.

It’s staggering, at times, to see the impact we have on our world and each other. We abuse our home with the mindset “someone else will clean it up” or “it’s really not as bad as they are making it out to be”. Bullshit excuses to try and excuse our laziness. We are so diverse, and at the same time similar, and instead of embracing our diversity we tear each other down and ostracize each other. Some of us think we have some superior moral high ground and force our views and beliefs on others. Negative traits like paranoia, fear and greed can lead to trivial violent acts or up to world wars.

There’s always room for change though. The chance to learn and better ourselves. With each generation more people are becoming responsible and learning from our past. I just hope this increasing change has a positive effect before we do something incredibly stupid.

d.

Never before have I felt the need to protect and love anything or anyone as I do him. I look down at him and feel so incredibly lucky. I smile to myself because he’s my everything. From his tan skin to his curly black hair. His soft lips to his well manicured fingers and toes. From those beautiful green eyes to his vast intelligent mind.

Even with the breeze bringing in the smell of Fall, the smell of him makes it seem faint. He’s my drug just as much as I am his. Intense, frightening and nerve wracking. That’s what I feel because I love him so much. I know he’s awake, he’s stopped snoring.

“Good morning,” I whisper.

“Mattina, il mio uccellino canterino,” he says as he props himself up on one arm. He looks intently into my eyes. Seeking an answer I was too afraid to give last night.

“Yes.”

“Yes?” he asks hesitantly. I hold up my hand with the ring on it. He looks at it then back to me.

“Yes.”

A smile spreads across his face then lightning flashes. I sit up quickly and look around. I’m all alone. The sun is shining and my room is burning up, from the summer heat. It was just a dream. I hold back a tear as I feel the finger the ring was on in the dream.

“Damn.”

Authors’ Note: Not sure where this is coming from. Just a scenario I wanted to write out.

What I was originally going to blog about was that I was, and still am to some, viewed as a “standby”. When everyone else is busy I’ll call so and so, that’s me. I think because I THOUGHT people found me interesting they genuinely liked me. I was just used to kill time. I don’t think anyone should be put in that position. So I’ve gotten rid of a lot of “acquaintances” and have a few more to go.

I want people to like me for me, as I would think everyone does. One thing I won’t ever accept is someone trying to change me. I’m not shallow, an asshole, selfish, greedy or arrogant. Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’ll easily bend to someones will. One of my closest friends found that out. For someone who usually gets what he wants he hasn’t quite figured out how that happened.

It’s amazing how a lot of people think. I’m very big on RAK, random acts of kindness. I get sooo many odd responses. Not every person is out just to lookout for themselves. Those little acts catch people off guard and they smile. While getting them to smile is not my intent I absolutely love that it does happen. If I’m pissed off in traffic I’m not going to honk my horn or cut others off. I just don’t see what throwing out more negative energy does to benefit anyone. You just end up upset and taking someone else down with you.

The view is beautiful and right now I just want to take it in. I mean without a single thought. One battle I’m constantly losing is “Stress vs Relaxation”. My mind is always racing. Always jumping from one thought to another. Sometimes if feels like my brain is going to trip over itself. Is it even possible to stop thinking?!

This park is amazing though. I’m on a hill over looking a lake. There’s a few people sitting in their cars, like I am. The rest are jogging alone, with pets or someone else. It’s hard to believe, to me anyway, most of the lakes are man made. I absolutely love being near water. Streams, rivers, ponds, lakes, bays, oceans it doesn’t matter. I think part of it is the idea of floating or gliding through it. I actually don’t know how to swim but just the thought of being able to suspend myself in water is very calming. Anyway, it’s winter so most of the trees are brown or without leaves. That’s exactly what the lake is reflecting. As far as the trees I sometimes look at them as if they’re hibernating. Giants who sleep all winter and wake up shortly after the clock strikes Spring.

Today I went for a drive. No plan, just got in the car, started the engine and drove. It seems like the only time I’m fully at the mercy of my thoughts, and they are actually in some kind of harmony, is when I’m driving alone. Although as soon as I come to a STOP sign or red light it gets kind of chaotic again. Another thing I love about traveling the winding roads is exploring. So many turns to new places and people. I saw some amazing mansions out in the country. Bricks, wood, paneling, 2 stories, 1 story, some gated, large driveways, etc, etc. Some of the designs reminded me of lodges and lake houses you’d see up in the mountains.

I’ve often wondered what the people are like, who live in them. I have no desire to be financially wealthy. I just find the upper class intriguing. Their preppy attire and refined mannerisms. I don’t mean the stereotypes and the “nouveau riche”. I’m talking about the people whose wealth spans several generations. People whose wealth comes from investments and proper money management. Capitalists, heirs, stockbrokers, etc who attend prestigious schools and work in the same circle as others like them. I think it’s the intrigue that they live in a world so different but so much the same.

Hmm…..my thoughts. What am I thinking about?! Any and everything.

I didn’t have much time but if I had I would’ve made it into town. I’ll definitely have to go there again. I’ll take the shuttle in. I didn’t really see any parking in the town. Instead I parked at a lot  further down the road, off Virginius Island.

Loved the trails, which is what I used. When I had to go back I just walked along the road. I think one of my favorite parts was the Island Access Bridge onto the island. I also did a quick drive through Bolivar. Interesting place, although I wouldn’t want to drive their roads after they become icy. As I drove through it looked like they were getting ready for a parade. A lot of the residents were sitting on their stoops or had chairs lining the sidewalk. Definitely want to go back.

Sunday, unfortunately, was not a good day. Had an insane headache and sore neck all day and most of  Monday. It’s gone for the most part. I’m getting into the writing mood again . I’ve been looking at getting a few items. I have this vision in my head I’d like to photograph. I’m not to entirely sure of the end result. I’m in no rush for this, which I think is a good thing.

One thing I loved about music then were all the groups and artists who were similar to each other. Or more to the point how similar they were and it wasn’t a big deal. That wasn’t just the 90s, but that was the time music really made an impact on me. One thing I hate about the perception of artists nowadays is that no one can so much as sneeze without being compared to someone else.

It’s “oh they’re copying this person” or “this person stole another persons style.”  There is nothing an artist has done today that hasn’t already been done. Singing about sex is nothing new, “shocking” the masses has already been done and half naked “dancing” is just on a bigger screen and in HD. The last one may not have been prevalent in all genres of music, but it was still there.

The problem isn’t with the artist, it’s the fans. It’s to the point where an artist can have one “hit” and people view them as the alpha and omega. Then there are the fans who love a song so much they don’t know it’s sampled from something before their time. Then actually get upset because their “alpha and omega” isn’t as original as they pictured them to be.

The thing that made me want to rant about this stuff is the whole Lil’ Kim vs Nicki Minaj bullshit. I was a Lil’ Kim fan when she first hit the scene. I loved that she was just as vulgar about sex as her male counterparts and didn’t apologize for it. Of course there were other female rappers but none as “girly” as her. Anyone who has paid attention or read about her knows she’s gone after every female rapper that’s come out after her. The reason this whole LK vs NM situation is so big is because NM is so similar to her. Also NM doesn’t rap about sex to the level LK used to. The other female rappers are pretty but none of them were as “girly” and into Barbie like LK was.

Even when LK came out with the Malibu Barbie bit she was made fun of. When NM came with the Harijuku Barbie I was not even phased. The only person who cared was LK. Guess what most females want to be Barbie, and why not?! She’s the bitch who has it all. LK just needs to realize no one has forgotten about her and NM is not a threat. Like I said I’m a big LK fan but it’s hard to watch her go from Queen Bee to Audrey Hepburn in My Fair Lady……BEFORE THE TRANSFORMATION!

This is actually the second day I’ve been out with it. I drove to where I saw a few empty cars and looked for a trail.  It was a steep trail but amazing. I could see the clearing as I was coming down. I had been taking pictures from the top all the way down. I passed an old asian couple and an older lady. It was her first time there and she was just as taken away by it as I was.

What I really love is how desolate the trees look, but then there’s this clearing at the bottom. The pictures I took really don’t do this place justice. Even though there’s a busy road above the clearing the noise of the traffic just stays in the background. As a state park I knew it was big, but I didn’t know I was just in a small part of it. I want to see the rest.

So I took about 50 something photos while I was there. The trail down is definitely not for children and was hell climbing back up. There’s also a train track that runs through it. I can only imagine what it’s like during Spring. I’m hoping to get more pictures then.